Back in the Seventies, Hasbro launched a little toy on a rounded base
that flipped back up, no matter how you tried to knock it over. Known
as a Weeble, it was advertised around the world with the song,
‘Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.'
By the early Eighties, every kid had one. You could even get
celebrity Weebles: Winnie The Pooh. Or Cookie Monster. It's a safe
bet that a little girl called Britney got one, probably some time
after her family moved from Mississippi to Louisiana, where she
dreamed of being a gymnast and took her first dance classes at the
age of five. Probably, though, if Britney had a Weeble, she'd have
felt an empathy for it. She's a Sagittarian and all born under this
sign know what it's like to bounce right back, no matter how hard
life hits them. Some, indeed, get so good at bouncing back, they
start falling over on purpose, just to see if they can recover. Not
that Britney is entirely typical of her Sun sign. She has the Moon in
Aquarius. That's good for 'emotional detachment'. It lets you switch
your feelings off when they're getting too intense... though it also
tends to be a reason why when they do finally come out, they erupt
like a volcano.
I know about her Aquarian Moon because I know her time of birth.
And I know that because her mum told it to my friend Barry who runs
Equinox, the astrology shop in central London. One afternoon a few
years back, Britney, her mum and her sister Jamie Lynn all came to
Barry's store to get their computer charts cast. Barry says she
looked even more beautiful, as she stood behind his counter, than she
does in her pictures. No doubt Britney's horoscope warned her of a
tough time ahead. No doubt she ignored it. Certainly she didn't get
into an in-depth reading of her past, present and future. Nor alas,
are we going to do that here... other than to say that her horoscope
speaks of a very intense childhood. By this, I don't just mean a lot
of effort performing for the camera. Something happened to or around
her that she still has not processed. All that money and success has
not helped her deal with that. And whatever it was, it has left her
so scarred that she can't even cope with the magic of motherhood.
That's deep damage. The planets, what's more, tell us her emotional
roller coaster ride is not yet over. She's going to need professional
help from a good analyst or counsellor before she can properly heal
her wound. But, for what little comfort it brings, her career is
quite safe. And actually, the worst of her recent journey through
life's dark side is over.
Even if she wobbles and weebles more in the next couple of years,
Britney won't ever fall so far down again!