Your Zodiac Forecasts, from Jonathan Cainer
Peaches Geldof and Max Drummey
first published 16th November 2008
Other Celebrity Stars

"Jonathan," said Michael, the editor of one of the magazines I write for, "can you cast a horoscope for Peaches Geldof." I said I would, and soon worked out that she is an idealistic Piscean with the Moon in comfort-seeking Cancer. And she has a strong Mars Jupiter conjunction blessing her with great energy and impetuosity.

Like Sir Bob, I have a Piscean daughter who was wild at 19... and I have the grey hairs to prove it. But what time was Peaches born? Where's her 'rising sign?' I can't find this out. And Max Drummey, the man she married? He's another mystery. Nobody knows his birthday.

As I sat at my desk, wondering what to do about this, I went into a dream. The mist descended - and through it I saw an elderly lady, surrounded by grandchildren.

"Tell us about your madcap marriage Granny Peaches," the kids implored.

She pulled her shawl around her shoulders, sat back in her hover-rocker and said, "Well, I was only 19 and Chester French were not the rock gods they are now. When I married Max on the spur of the moment, the blogs went crazy. They said it would lead to a divorce. Great Grandpa Bob went bananas."

"Blogs Gran?", one of the boys cried out. "Were you alive when they still had those?"

"Oh yes. Everyone and their mother had a website back then. That reminds me, where's my Mum's latest blog-from-beyond?"

With that, she pushed a button and a shimmering hologram filled the room. It was Paula, as blonde and sassy as we all remembered her.

"Hi Peaches... and all my truly great grandkids. I'm having a fine time here in the afterlife. And Peaches, you and Max were right. That Aleister Crowley is a fascinating fellow. It took me a few decades to track him down (time and space work differently when you're merged with the infinite), but he's been teaching me how to cast spells and read horoscopes. He could tell that Jonathan Cainer what time you were born if you like..."

As the reincarnation machine whirred on I felt like a fly on a wall that I wasn't supposed to be anywhere near. Out of the corner of my mind's eye, I saw a headline on a screen. It read "Chester French To Play Charity Concert For World's Hungry." I thought how nice it was for Peaches that her new husband had eventually followed in her father's footsteps. One of the grandchildren was asking Peaches a question.

"So, did you and Grandpa Max divorce?" asked one of the grandchildren.

"Hey," said Peaches. "What's marriage got to do with love?"

Then, I woke up. But they say that Nostradamus made all his best predictions while in a deep trance. So I'm sticking with this vision of the future. Maybe it makes more sense than any of us know.

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Birth Charts

Name: Peaches Geldof
Date: 16 March 1989
Time of Birth (Local): Unknown
Place: London
GMT Time (Adjusted): 16 March 1989 06:14:00

Note: If the exact time of birth is unknown, then sunrise is used to calculate the chart.


All contents copyright Jonathan Cainer 2008. World rights reserved. | Syndications