Jonathan Cainer's Zodiac Forecasts

more Millennium Madness...
The search for the oddest Millennium oddity still goes on:
Johnny writes in to protest at the crass commercialism of Y2K exploitation.
“I too have been observing the memorabilia explosion of the Year 2000. How about this? Franko American Spaghettio's are not just ‘o's’ any longer they now also have ‘2's’ in the can. The businesses of the world will jump on any bandwagon that happens to present itself and the majority of the consumers will rush out to buy, only to put (whatever) on the top closet shelf. Smugly smiling that they have one.”
Debra from the Massachusetts “woods” says firewood salespeople are doing a brisk trade with their Y2K compliant logs.
“Many people in my neck of the woods are using the potential Y2K problem to advertise and sell cordwood - firewood- used in wood burning stoves, which are used widely to heat homes in New England. While there certainly is some humor to ‘Y2K compliant Cordwood,’ there is also some truth to the claim!”
Rebecca from Maine, USA, has discovered Millennium hell.
“I just discovered a web site that pokes lots of fun at the Millennium hype. I hope you have time to have some fun with it!”
www.millenniumhell.com
Delila writes in with her nomination for the song of the Millennium:
“I thought I would suggest a Millennium song. How about John Lennon’s song titled ‘Imagine’?
What wonderful possibilities this song brings to mind.”
Nina from the USA ponders on how we will stay clean in the decades to come and reckons the Millennios taste pretty good too!
“I live in the States and often shop at a popular chain of stores called Walmart. Yesterday while doing some errands I was at this store and noticed that they had champagne-shaped bottles of Millennium bubble bath. This made me think ‘How long will man kind be using soap and water to wash in the coming decades?’
By the way Millennios actually taste pretty good!”
Raven also from the USA now reckons her Millennium preparations can be complete with this “absurdity”.
“This evening I was shopping for groceries when I happened upon a display of fancy bottled vinegar... a tall glass bottle formed in the shape of the number 2000.
Millennium Balsamic Vinegar... Gee, now my Y2K preparations can be complete!”
Julie from Ohio imagines James Bond could get his eyes scratched out with this particular Y2K product:
“Found at the chemist's/drug-store a display of Millennium artificial fingernails. Silver, gold, and purple mirror-finish metallic fingernails. They look like something an arch-villainess would attempt to slice up James Bond with!
Douglas, a professor in Massachusetts, feels a sense of frustration around the imprecision with which we are approaching the Millennium.
“I am really frustrated about this 2000 business - after all there was NO year 0 and so we will not begin the next Millennium for another 14 months. It seems to me to be just another salespitch for the merchants to get two for one. What do you think?
Linda from Florida has found few items that leave no doubt as to the ingenuity of Yankees...
“A few items for sale here in the USA that relate to your comment that we are trying to celebrate a new holiday with no tradition:
1. A baseball cap (round cap with a bill) with "01-01-00" printed on it. Americans frequently wear the cap of their favorite team when watching baseball games. The official colors of Team Millennium appears to be black with white lettering.
2. A snow globe, an inexpensive crystal ball mounted on a wooden base. Inside there is usually a winter or manger scene. When you shake the snow globe, flakes of pretend snow swirl around the scene.
For the Millennium, the Sears, Roebuck department store chain is selling snow globes that display a computer with disks and other parts exploding from the top. Small white number ones and zeros swirl about like the fake snow. They represent the binary bits upon which computers are based: 1 and 0.
3. Just to cover all bases, don't forget to purchase your Millennium mattress.
4. And last but not least: here in sub-tropical Florida, we have a lot of bugs. Exterminators enjoy a booming business. One local exterminator advertises that he has successfully ridded his customers of the Millennium Bug.”
Janette has come across a pricey little Y2K number - a ten million dollar bra!
“Victoria's Secret has it with diamonds. One strap has 2000 in diamonds on it.”
John, originally from the UK, now in Sweden has unearthed some products which he finds hard to fathom out.
“Marabou chocolate has a 2000 chocolate bar that "sparkles in your mouth" when you eat it! (Why the year 2000 should be associated with sparkle, I don't know. Has no one read Peter Russell?)
You can also buy 2000 - dunce's caps (dark blue with golden stars!) here, to put on at New Year's Eve. Perhaps this is appropriate!”
Utama in Holland has at last given the disease a name: Millennimania.
“Just a little Milennimania-item: a CD of Maria Callas, the famous opera singer is now being marketed here in Holland as: ‘The voice of the Millennium’. What does she have to do with the Millennium?”
Thomas, like Janette, has come across that bra - and will obviously be buying his sweetheart one to celebrate the coming anniversary.
“What about the Victoria's Secret $10,000,000 bra that is covered in diamonds and sapphires? The straps are ‘2000" in diamond studs! No kidding! I don't think that any woman should be without one, do you?”
Amy from Boston has heard rumours of a Y2KY jelly....
“While perusing through a local Store 24 (a convenience store), I came upon some "interesting" Y2K products:
1) A Y2K Whoopee Cushion
2) A series of stuffed animal beanie toys called ‘Endangered Species 2000’. Each animal had a Y2K stamp on its rear-end.
3) Enormous signs in the store that read, "DON'T PANIC! S24 (Store 24) is your Y2K Headquarters!"
I've also heard rumors of a new Johnson and Johnson product called ‘Y2KY Jelly’. I'm still trying to find out if this product is on the market or not. Hmmm... I think in this case I'll embrace the philosophy: ‘The less I know, the better off I am.’
Yes, there you have it, Christina from LA - the Mil-looney-um”
“Subway, a sandwich shop here in Los Angeles (perhaps nation-wide, but I am not sure) is offering a collectible Looney Tunes character (i.e., Bugs Bunny, Tweety, etc.) in every kids pack meal to celebrate the "Mil-looney-um." Now that is a marketing stretch if every I saw one.”
Rhonda quite simply wonders what all the fuss is about...
“I have been reading all the Y2K year 2000 Millennium postings on the net and I fail to understand why we think that 2000 will be an extraordinary year. At this time there is more than one calendar being used on the planet earth and ours is the only one changing to the year 2000. While it is true that the United States and other English speaking countries will recognize the year 2000 as a major turn of the century, the earth and universe passed the year 2000 billions of years ago. Food for thought!"
Jessica points out one for both eyes...
“Last week I saw glitter-coated 2000 sunglasses in a shop. Ring in the new year with festive shades 20 for one eye and 00 for the other.”
Julie from Portland, Oregon , says that local wig-makers are guaranteeing that their hair will stay on for the next Millennium:
“Wig Salon on the corner of 20th & Hawthorne has advertised in their windows that all their wigs and hair pieces are Y2K compliant.. Hee hee."
Joan from Virginia has just the pencil for a Millennial job!
“I was recently given a Y2K-compliant #2 pencil which has to be sharpened by midnite on 31 Dec 1999 to work (hahahah).”
Jennifer from Colorado likes the jewelry but doesn’t understand why hairdressers advertise themselves as Y2K compliant - just covering all the bases, probably.
“A department store called JCPenney has jewelry with an interesting 2000 design. It's the number 2000 and its mirror image placed side by side. The 2 and its mirror image form a rather attractive heart shaped design.
I've also noticed while driving down one of our main streets, the sign at a hair salon which states ‘We are Y2K compliant.’ I'm still trying to figure out how a pair of scissors or a hair brush might be effected.”
Kiwi Kate has located a Millennium Free Zone.
“Thought you might like to know, regarding all the Millennium hoopla, that there is a town here, in the North Island of New Zealand, called Coromandel, which in this morning’s paper has declared itself a ‘Millennium Free Zone’, just the place for those of us who grow weary with the whole first light thing.”
Nancy from North Carolina discovers it is just a beer “by any other name.”
“My fiancé recently came home with a 12-pack of his favorite beer, Budweiser. When we opened the box we discovered, much to our amazement, that each individual can of Budweiser had been inscripted with the following: ‘The Beer of The Millennium!’. How the makers of good old Budweiser have arrived at that conclusion is anybody's guess, but we noticed the taste of the brew had not changed at all!”
Ginger in the US has taken up informal Millennial counselling...
"I found Millennium ribbons at the fabric store yesterday; probably not as idiotic as Y2K dishsoap, but I can imagine someone tying the ribbon on just about anything to make it Y2K 'complaisant' as one guy I know calls it.
I also overheard someone worrying about his VCR not working next year, so I advised him to just change the year to 1972 and it would work fine - he looked at me like I was crazy, so I told him the calendar repeats itself every 28 years and he could check it out at the library. I have the feeling he'll get a new VCR just to be sure. I'll just bet there are a lot of new 'toasters' under Xmas trees this year.
I think I'll print up a bunch of little 'Y2K okay' labels on my computer and start putting them on things like doorknobs - might as well have fun and see just how silly we can be!"
Kathy has uncovered the real reason for celebrating the Millennium a year early - any excuse for a party!
“I find myself increasingly disturbed by the fact that even though this is not the new Millennium coming up and everyone knows it. The entire world refuses to acknowledge it. 2001 is the beginning of the new Millennium. When I mention it to anyone they ‘pshaw’ as if to say don't be a spoil sport, it's going to be a great party. What do you think?
“It's not just the Cheerios!” writes Cathy from the States.
“You can look forward to 2's also being added to that wonderful canned pasta treat, Franco-American Spaghettio's! It looks as though no 'O' shaped food item is safe from Y2K!”
Nancy in Chicago has found them if you have the eyes for them.
“I may have seen the most outrageous product yet. Cosmetic contact lenses which have "2000" stamped around the contact lens.”
Lee Ann of Atlanta, Georgia, want to save the pineapple from Y2K uncompliance!
“In your quest for ridiculous Millennium promotions, rank this one among the stupidest! Lifesavers Candy (5-flavored round hard candies with a hole in the middle) is doing an ad campaign that states that their Pineapple flavored candy is not Y2K ready so it will have to be scrapped. Customers are to write or call in to vote for a new Y2K’compatible flavor, or they can vote to keep Pineapple and just see what happens. Pineapple gets my vote, always has been my favorite LifeSavers flavor!”
Anne from New York uncovers how you can win a Milk Moustache Millennium Calendar.
In the Grand Union grocery store in Highland, N.Y. there is a deal where if you buy two gallons of milk you receive a Milk Moustache Millennium Calendar with pictures of famous people drinking milk.
Saunnie has had a chuckle over the Y2K rebranding of her favorite humus.
“My favorite brand of humus is "Tribe of Two Sheikhs." It comes in plastic tubs at the supermarket. Lately the label has a "Y2 Sheikhs?" banner across it. It makes me chuckle every time I notice it. “
Janis points out the Millennium is really a minority issue.
“In the midst of all this Millennium madness, it is helpful to realize that really only one third of the world's population is about to go thru a Millennium change - two thirds of the world's population is not. It is, in fact, a simple consequence of the western calendar. For example, next year the Chinese will celebrate lunar year 4698, Year of the Dragon, at the Chinese New Year which is celebrated on the new Moon in Aquarius - 5 Feb 2000. And several other non-western cultures have their own calendars as well. So perhaps we can relax a little about the whole affair?
Agnes from Pennsylvania has come across some distracting shades.
“ I saw in a catalog a pair of year 2000 sunglasses, they had 2000 in large numbers across the top of them. It would be very distracting to see someone wearing these in public!
Emily has spotted a Millennial car.
“Perhaps not too odd, but Mazda has a car they have named the ‘Millennia’. I saw my first one yesterday.”
CJ gets to the bottom of Y2K fashion.
“I get a fashion catalog that has multiple ‘2000’ items: a silky blouse with 2000 scatter painted on it, hats, shoes, but the ‘worst’ was a set of bikini underwear with ‘2000’ boldly emblazoned across the rump!”
Ann-Marie from Virginia has come across some 2000 glasses that glow in the dark.
“I found the silliest 2000 item yet. It was a pair of 2000 party glasses. These ‘put it together yourself’ glasses were shaped like the number 2000, with the middle zeros being the parts you looked through. Best of all, they glow in the dark!
My favorite Y2K compliant claim so far was found on a web page selling hour glasses.
M.L. George of Washington DC says that
“For $80, you can buy a 3 inch sterling silver bottle filled with soap bubbles to ring in the new Millennium. It seems as though most of this Millennium merchandise (and the pricey parties that have ironically not been as popular with the public as the events planners hoped) is geared towards those with extravagant taste and disposable incomes? The rest of us will have to make do with noise makers, balloons, and splits of cheap champagne...just like every other year."
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