Jonathan Cainer Zodiac Forecasts

October 6th to October 11th 2003

MONDAY October 6
Stephen Gough

Several times lately, I have written about Stephen Gough, the ex marine who believes we have a right to go naked. His walk from Land's End to John O'Groats was going well till he reached Inverness where he was jailed for weeks without trial. While writing Saturday's page, I heard he had been set free so I wrote a piece anticipating further trouble. Sure enough, he was promptly re-arrested. Presumably, there is no real crime in Inverness and that's why the authorities are obsessed with him. Stephen is a tenacious Taurean. His case comes up again once more today.
TUESDAY October 7
Stephen Gough back in prison

It must be comforting for the citizens of Inverness to know that the police and magistrates have got their priorities straight. 'Never mind the robberies, muggings or stabbings. Forget the drug dealers, porn peddlers and wife beaters. Let's just make sure that if eccentric sassenachs come strolling through our city dressed only in their birthday suit, we lock them away without trial.' Poor Stephen Gough was let out of prison on Friday and then promptly rearrested for the 'crime' of being naked in public. He appeared in court yesterday, forcibly covered in a blanket and handcuffed. Rather than turn an amused blind eye to his harmless campaign, these petty prudes now intend to keep him remanded in jail until at least November 7.
Mars and the naked rambler

Dear Jonathan,
Why you keep going on about that naked rambler. What has this got to do with astrology? Susan

Dear Susan,
Today, we laugh at the Victorians who used to cover up their 'naked' table legs. Future generations will be just as amazed by our taboos. They will usher in the next phase of a movement that you can trace back to the sixties. Think of the musical, 'Hair', or the peace protests of John and Yoko. Nudity was never what they were all about, but they used it to shock the world into a new way of thinking. If Stephen Gough is pursuing the same agenda, he is proof that the long-predicted 'age of Aquarius' is nearly here. He is certainly obliging many of us to consider our whole culture of shame and shyness. Why DO we feel so self-conscious about some parts of our anatomy? MIGHT this mixture of secrecy and curiosity explain the number of perverts, porn freaks and paedophiles in our midst?
And one more question, just for the astrologers. What planet most aptly signifies his naked ramble?
The answer is very revealing.
It's Mars!
And it probably explains why the war in Iraq didn't spiral into the wider conflict that many feared.
We knew Mars was about to come closer than ever before in history... but as it had never happened before, we just figured we were about to see an awful lot of war, agression and rampant 'male' energy. That is, after all, what Mars is famous for. Some things though, are much impressive when viewed from a distance. Think of monsters in movies. They seem much more scary when they are hidden behind walls and doors.
Or, er... ahem, dear delicate reader, think of male 'appendages'. In reality they are a lot less big and powerful than they are in the imagination. So, now we know. When Mars is far away and hard to see, we get drum beating and sabre-rattling. Threat, ferocity, attack, invasion, anger and aggression. We get Saddam Hussein, trying to make it LOOK as if he has weapons of mass destruction so he can scare away his enemies. We get Tony Blair, using the very same dodgy logic to justify a war. Plus all the terrible bloodshed that we associate with the red planet.
And as Mars come close? We see the warmongers on both sides exposed as pathetic bluffers and boasters. Their great reputations start to shrivel under the cold light of full disclosure. Thanks Stephen. You've helped me learn a vital lesson and get one step closer to my next big prediction. On which, more soon.

At the top right is the traditional heiroglyph for this planet. Does it remind you of anything?

Bull headed: Most Taureans are wise, sensitive characters who can tell which way the wind is blowing and respond accordingly. But here are just two exceptions.
Tony Blair (born May 6, 1953) Stubborn Taurean who can't go back, even when the public think he is a fool.
Stephen Gough (born May 13, 1959) Stubborn Taurean who can't go back, even when the public think he is a fool.

THURSDAY October 9
Jonathan on Mars and John Michell with the UFO's...

The close approach of Mars has not just let us see this planet more clearly than ever before... it has shown up its influence more clearly too. Mars is the planet of conquerors; people who traditionally see themselves as 'above the law'. Mars is also the planet of competitive sport. One look at what's happening in the world of football tells us precisely how Mars is 'exposing aggression' there. I'll say more soon, about the next cosmic lesson we can expect. Meanwhile, here's John Michell with news about how things may operate in more peaceful parts of the galaxy!

UFOs are they coming back from the future? by John Michell
UFOs, of course, mean unidentified flying objects. That does not tell us what they are or where they are from. Eddie Radcliffe in Sheffield saw his first UFO back in 1953. It was early in the morning while he was walking home. This UFO appeared several times the size of the full moon, and was travelling fast. The strangest thing about it was the cone of sparks that stretched out in front of it, not trailing behind like a comet's tail. Eddie was frightened by it and ran to his house. But the experience made him thoughtful, and later in life he became a psychic healer. He has come to believe that there are billions of other worlds, inhabited by beings like, ourselves. They are too far apart to make contact. Only when they have discovered the divine laws behind the universe are they able to travel in space. We see their vehicles as UFOs. But they will not communicate with us, because we have to learn those laws for ourselves. When we do so, we shall discover space travel and become part of the universal community.

Alec Price in Lancashire asks: 'What if these 'visitors' are from planet Earth? What if they are from Earth's future?' One day, he reasons, we will develop time travel. People in the future will want to observe their bistory, so they will come back in time to the present. UFOs contain future students, or perhaps tourists. They must not contact us for fear of upsetting the pattern of history. One thing we can all agree on is that UFOs make you think. Perhaps in that way they are educating us. Recent evidence suggests that they come from outer space, but are now based among us, here on earth. I shall describe that evidence next week.

FRIDAY October 10
Harmonic Concordance on November 9th

Dear Jonathan,
I keep hearing about some rare, amazing planetary alignment on November 9. What's going on? Beth

Dear Beth,
It WILL be a special time. Some people on the internet are calling it a 'Harmonic Concordance' and expecting trans-dimensional 'portals' to open up. But then, that's people on the internet for you. There'll be more on this topic soon. But to begin with, here's our technical expert, Bernard Fitzwalter, with the basic facts.

A Star in the Stars by Bernard Fitzwalter
Around November 9, six planets will align at equal distances around the zodiac, forming the shape of a hexagon, or a six-point star; or, if you prefer, two overlapping triangles like the Star of David. When the pattern is complete, there will be not just the usual one or two, but 15 astrologically significant alignments applying simultaneously. And we will see the moon is being eclipsed at the same time.
Lots of celestial energy, then, but what does it all mean? According to some, this is a point at which the cosmos harmonises with itself, opening up dimensions not previously visible, a bit like getting the keyholes in several doors all lined up so that you can see all the way to the end of the corridor. And if that happens, they say, we could all ascend to higher realms. It is, without doubt, a powerful planetary pattern, and since it is balanced and harmonious, it must be an indication for good; but let's not get too carried away. 'Star of David' alignments, though unusual, aren't so rare that we've never seen them before: they occur once every twenty years or so. A key component of this one is the tiny planet Chiron, first discovered in 1977. The astrological community is by no means unanimous on whether Chiron should even be seen as astrologically valid. If Chiron is excluded, the hexagon isn't complete, and this mighty alignment becomes a non-event.

Jonathan adds, in the interest of balance, we shall return to this topic soon with an article by Eric Francis...who is a BIG believer in Chiron!

SATURDAY October 11
Running commentary on a naked ramble

Running commentary
Sagittarians love a challenge. All you have to do is tell them something isn't possible and they will do everything in their power to prove you wrong. Paula Radcliffe, born December 17, 1973, is a case in point. Last Saturday, she won her third half-marathon, just weeks after making a historic time in the Great North Run. Next year she has the Olympics in her sights. Given Jupiter's encouraging alignments next year, I'm sure she'll easily... whoops. I nearly said the wrong thing. Er... 'Hey there, Paula, I bet you can't get a gold!'

Naked ramble
Ewan MacGregor's new movie, Young Adam, has just come out and once again, he gets naked in it! Ewan is an Aries, born 31.03.1971. Like all who share his sign, he is rarely backward about coming forward. He says, 'Women have always been naked in movies and now I'm just desperate to take my clothes off as much as possible'. Maybe so, Ewan, but if you're wise, you won't do it in Inverness. That's where Stephen Gough is languishing in jail for the unspeakable crime of trying to walk from Land's End to John O'Groats in his birthday suit. He has already served more time than some folk get for robbery... and he hasn't even had a trial yet.


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