Jonathan Cainer Zodiac Forecasts

November 7th to November 13th 2005

MONDAY November 7
Global warming email

Dear Jonathan,
Last week, you wrote about global warming. I’m just an amateur prophet but I'd suggest that the world already has a cleaner alternative to fossil fuels. Governments and companies are keeping a lid on it so they can extricate maximum possible revenue from fossil fuels. I predict that as soon as they work out how to tax and profit from vegetable oils, we’ll all be driving greener vehicles. You'd tell me if I was far wide of the mark, wouldn't you.

Dear Kristiaan,
There’s more to it than that... but I don’t disagree.

TUESDAY November 8
Do cars have zodiac signs email

Dear Jonathan,
Do cars have zodiac signs and if so, are they based on the date of manufacture or of purchase?
Dan (a curious Cancerian)

Dear Dan,
Anthropomorphic inclinations are quite common in Cancerians! In my experience, if you’re going to imbue an inanimate object with a horoscope, the chart that will prove most useful is the map of the sky at the moment when you first took possession of it. That will usually describe your ongoing ‘relationship’ with surprising accuracy.

WEDNESDAY November 9
Do the stars influence animals?

I'm a Scorpio and I'm looking to buy a puppy. How do the stars influence animals?

Dear Melissa,
Most pets only give birth at certain times of year so they are all born under similar signs. Why then, do their characters differ, even when they come from the same litter? Because even tiny variations in 'time of birth' give them unique horoscopes. I'm not sure, though, that we should read too much into these. Pets want to be loved, instinctively, not analysed intellectually. Er... and... come to think of it, so do we all!

THURSDAY November 10
Psychic Museum email

Dear Jonathan,
The last time you wrote about your psychic museum, you said that, around 2am, a statue fell off a shelf, narrowly missing someone. But then you went on to say that you will have no more trouble and that it is now safe to do another such night. Why? Have you somehow disabled the poltergeist?

Dear Madeleine,
I haven’t ‘disabled’ anything or anyone. I have, though, entered into negotiation with the entity in question. We’re having a kind of silent psychic conversation - in which I am attempting to establish what it wants or needs. As far as I can establish, what ‘it’ ‘wants’ is either to be properly understood... or to be left in peace. When people come wandering through the building, half-hoping and half-looking for some ghostly manifestation, they effectively create a ‘magnetic’ impulse that ‘attracts disruptive energy. The situation is complicated somewhat by the fact that we’re studying all kinds of psychic phenomena here in the building... and that means creating a climate conducive to telekinesis. I can’t discount the possiblity that objects, moving in unexplained ways, are being subconsciously triggered by visitors... or even by members of staff!

One thing’s for sure though, we are still getting odd developments. The other evening, around 6pm, a book fell, suddenly and dramatically, off a shelf in the office... and since then nobody has wanted to be here alone. Nobody, that is... except me. I feel fine around the place, even when it’s late and dark.

All this brings me to the full explanation of why I feel it is safe to hold another Ghost Night. It’s because, even if I am not there for all of it, I am going to be in the building before it happens and be around for at least some of the evening. I wouldn’t invite anyone to a place that I didn’t feel safe about. I DO feel safe about what’s going on round here.

This, by the way, won’t be the only special event I attend at the Psychic Museum over the next few weeks. Up until now, I’ve deliberately refrained from saying this too loudly but you know those special Sunday Symposiums we’re planning to hold soon?

Well, one of them will be hosted by me! I’m going to talk astrology for a few hours on the afternoon of Sunday November 20, with 12 visitors to the museum. In the course of the event, I shall be taking a personal look at all of their birth charts.

All places are now booked for this event... though we are keeping a waiting list in case of cancellation. Meanwhile, two of our other Sunday Symposiums still have a few places. They are both due to be exceptional afternoons. The Guest speakers are people that I know well... and whose level of expertise simply cannot be faulted.

FRIDAY November 11
Civil liberties comment

The trouble with opinions is that they are like chocolates. As soon as you allow yourself one... you fancy having another, even though you know it isn’t good for you. Or, at least, for your objectivity. With great self-restraint, I shall therefore refrain from saying how glad I am that most British MPs still value civil liberties. Whoops! I appear to have said it. But, then, Mercury the communication planet is at a standstill this weekend. We’re all in danger, now, of dwelling too long on tricky topics... and stirring up controversy.

SATURDAY November 12
Mercury comment

Weekend Forecast: Mercury, this weekend, is effectively standing still in the sky. It's only an optical illusion but it has deep symbolic significance. Expect delays or difficulties in the traditional Mercurial areas of rail and road transport, road, phone, postal and computer communication... and commerce.

SUNDAY November 13
Mercury / Uranus comment

Your Week Ahead: Are you waiting for a piece of news? Trying to finalise a deal? Planning a journey? Wrestling with a communication problem? Mercury is the planet that governs information distribution; rail, phone, road, postal, computer and commercial networks. In astrological tradition, it rules the "ability to get from A to B." This week, a cosmic optical illusion means Mercury appears to be standing still. Soon, it will "change direction" and start moving from B to A! Some people therefore expect the whole of the rest of the month to bring impediment and delay. In my experience, though, the worst trouble seems to come when the planet is "hovering". And as Uranus, planet of innovation, is also "stationary" this week. it will be a wonder if any of us manage to finish what we have...


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